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[sticky entry] Sticky: & SEMI-PUBLIC

Jan. 21st, 2019 03:37 am
wistfulbreaths: (Happy Dance)

 
The majority of my entries will be semi-public.  The rest of the entries will be placed under a filter depending on the subject.  If you are interested or even insistent on friending me-- the best advice I have for you is to read the following:

Everything I am is everything I was taught to be... )
wistfulbreaths: (Default)

I decided rather then having to put a sticky on a bunch of entries the most optimal thing to do was to create a single entry with links to specific entries that I felt my reader's should pay the most attention to. This will ensure easy accessibility and no excuses as to why any policies on my journal are being ignored. This will be continually updated with any entries I feel are beneficial for those who choose to read my journal.

(Filter Policy)

(Contact Information)

wistfulbreaths: (Default)
I'd be lying if I said I only think about you once in a while
& I'd be lying if I said, you don't echo in my mind
Cause I hate that I still got a little love left for you
& I lie when I say that I never miss you when I do
It's been, well, it's just been. I've spent a lot of time watching Mentalist and finally after nearly 6 seasons of cat and mouse, the main storyline surrounding Red John has concluded.

I have to say it was a rollercoaster, but well done, and all of my suspicions as to who Red John was, were completely wrong. The writers did an excellent job with misdirects.I miss that in TV shows and movies we see today. There is no creativity anymore. The world has become so depressing, and it shows in TV, movies, and music. Art has been lost.

Perhaps that is why the world has become so dreary; dark. All I know is I miss when TV shows and movies surprised me. Now, I 'm pretty good at predicting what is going to happen which is why I'm really enjoying the Mentalist. Unfortunately, I know eventually it's going to end, and I'll be stuck with my thoughts again. Thoughts I could do without, so I already have plans in place to fill that void.

I hope it works.

I'm in the process of refining my resume in the hopes I'll be able to find a job. I know it's going to be a process, especially because I've been out of work so long, but I don't have a choice.

Life as they say, must go on.
But you can't take Bon Iver, my long black hair
August stars and northeast air
Or anything I learned to love with you
Like the way the stormy Arizona nights
Were always ours, but now they're mine
'Cause if I have to live with losing you
I'm not gonna lose me too
wistfulbreaths: Faith has been broken. (Faith Is Broken)
"How are you?"

It's what people ask me now-- all the time. And I'm not sure how to answer It's gotten to the point where I hate those 3 words, I mean I disliked them before, but now, now I hate them.

How the hell am I supposed to answer that question? Does no one stop to think how those 3 simple words causes me to try to stop myself from vomitting, from remembering, from accepting that I had to do the one thing I told myself I would never do even though I know everyone would understand?

Does no one stop and think just how alone I feel?

Or just how alone I am?

Support groups help to some extent, but I still have to face this on my own, and no one understands that-- or wants to.

Everyone wants me to move on, but no one understands that you don't just move on from this, and so I deal with it alone, and try not to breakdown when someone asks, "How are you?"

I'm broken. Lost. Hollow. Desperate.

But mostly?

I'm numb.

I don't know how to feel anymore, and what's worse--I don't think I want to.
wistfulbreaths: I feel empty (Empty)
It's been hard getting back into writing my thoughts down again. It's hard not to overanalyze or secondguess what I'm writing, but I'm trying my hardest to avoid hitting BACKSPACE while I write, and while I'd like to say I have been successful, I haven't written nearly enough to declare victory.. yet.

I've been spending more time playing video games, so much that I'm addicted to a new MMO (shocking, I know), Throne & Liberty. It's been a lot of fun, and I'm excited to see where the content leads me as I play. I've also considered hopping back into Guild Wars 2 and WoW Classic. While, I enjoy Throne & Liberty, the issue I have is that it feels too easy. I played for maybe 3-4 days continously, and I'm already nearly to level 30. I feel like I haven't done a whole lot so it feels a bit hollow, which is why I'm looking at jumping back into WoW Classic.

I know a lot of people hate grinding, which I understand, but I played games when the things you did actually meant something, and that's not the case now. With the increase in lower attention spans, many games have also changed to account for this which is why I'm almost at level 30 after just 3.5-4 days of playing. I'll have to see how the rest of progression goes, but until then I have plenty of games to keep me preoccupied.

I also have decided to look into learning how to rig for VTube models. I've seen some of the prices riggers list, and I could make a pretty penny if I learned how to do it myself. Of course, I do also want to try and give back so I'd loved to work with VTube model artists and host giveaways for those who aren't able to afford to purchase a model and rigging. As one of those individuals, I completely understand and relate, so I'd loved to pay it forward as much as I can.

I know I have quite a long ways to go and learn before I'll be comfortable with offering rig commissions, but I'm also really excited to learn! It's been a long time since I've been excited about learning something new, and if it's something that can help with our finances? Why the hell not?
What's the latest thing you've been excited to learn?
wistfulbreaths: Jerk (Jerk)
If something needs to be done then do it, instead of waiting on me to do it. Maybe then what's wanted can be implemented and I don't get bitched at for doing something that no one else took the initiative to do.
wistfulbreaths: Aion (Aion)

It would appear that my internet decided to fail hardcore on me– of all days and thus the lovely Danika has offered to post this blog for me so I’d still be on track with Project: Blog. In any event I hope they fix this shit soon because I’m seriously not happy about it– though I admit I’m not as frustrated as I normally would be since in the 4 months we’ve been here this is the first time we’ve had any issues. Take that Cox! :lol:


Last night I promised you all a review of Aion which is the MMORPG I have been beta testing which officially launches on September 22, 2009. Now, I have to forewarn you all that I am by no means a game guru, however I have played World of Warcraft so this review will mostly be in comparison to it. Remember these are just my thoughts upon playing the game– I wouldn’t take this too seriously.


Upon first entering the game, you’re tasked with choosing which faction you’d like to play (I choose Asmodians), what class you’d like to be (I went with Scout), and then finally you stumble upon the character creation screen. Now this little bad boy can have someone there for hours as you get to literally customize almost EVERY single detail of your character. From the size of the head, body height, chest size (yes, you can put some knockers on your character), to tattoos, and more– if you’re quite the detailed individual, expect to be on this screen for some time. I, personally, thoroughly enjoy this aspect because it gets tiring looking at the same old boring character five million times, no matter how much you changed the color of hair, skin tone, etc to try and make yours “unique”.


Alright, moving on.


Once I finished creating my character, I entered the game and thought “oo, pretty”. I do have to admit that NCSoft knocked themselves out with this one and compared to Blizzard– the graphics are absolutely breathtaking. The one thing you must be wary of however is when you first start to play is to make a point to chang your controls– otherwise you’ll start out pretty frustrated if you’re used to maneuvering with your mouse. When I first started I could run holding both the left and right mouse buttons, but I could only run forward as it wouldn’t let me move my character. After googling to figure out how to fix it (which is to go into the menu and disable left click to change camera angle), the game was much more enjoyable.


Some of the major differences that I found within the game:

  • Food/Water: Unlike WoW, food and water does not give you HP or MP. Rather it gives you buffs, depending on the item.
  • HP/MP Regen: To regen HP/MP, you simply have to rest (hit the “,” button on your keyboard) and after a few seconds you’ll be back to full HP/MP– however in the higher levels this can take some more time.
  • Loss of XP: You do lose some experience when you die HOWEVER you’re able to buy back that XP by speaking with a Soul Healer.
  • The ability to fly: You get wings in the game (which by the way kickass) and you have the ability to fight in air. Flying is limited to begin with at 1 minute, but you have the option to go aerial heavy and get additional buffs etc, to increase flight time or you can choose to monopolize the ground.
  • Travel: No mounts in the game. Travel is done through flight masters and teleports.
  • Professions: You aren’t tied down to 2 professions. Aion allows you to pick up as many professions as you want.
  • Channels: For those of you who played BC when it was first released, you probably remember a HIGH server population in the starter areas for BEs and Draenei as well as the inability to complete collector/killing quests because there were just too many players collecting and killing what you needed to. Aion has seemed to solved this issue by introducing channels on realms in the first two zones (Lvls 1-20) which allows you to select a less populated channel, increasing your ability to complete collector/killing quests substantially.
  • Minor Additions:
    -You can instantly locate the location for a quest item or individual by merely clicking on the item/person’s name and selecting locate. After which a map will pop up displaying the location you need to go.
    -The “N” button will cause the map to become transparent so you’re still able to navigate while having your map out.
    -No more errors about how you’re facing the wrong direction as the game auto corrects your stance which makes fighting much easier.

These are just some of the differences that I’ve noticed between World of Warcraft and Aion and I have to say I am completely happy with what Aion has to offer. Will I keep playing after open beta? Absolutely. Will I dump WoW for Aion? That’s yet to be determined.

ZOMG!!!!

Apr. 30th, 2009 06:03 pm
wistfulbreaths: (Happy Dance)
So I totally had my browser directed to the shop and when it hit 9:00EDT, I refreshed and it went to the homepage, so I kept refreshing and a minute later I was directed to the shop and I got my seed account!

/runs around wildly
wistfulbreaths: Sleep (Sleep)
I am getting sick.  I felt like hell this morning when I woke up and by the time I got to work, I felt faint and I could feel a fever coming on, which means I will wake up with a fever tomorrow which is just wonderful since I am working 9 hours tomorrow.  The sudden weather change is partially responsible for it, the Hubby, however is mostly responsible as he is sick and I am sure that is not helping.  >.>

My only salvation is that tomorrow is Thursday which makes it one step closer to Friday and that much closer to the weekend.  It's sad how my life has now amounted to just trying to make it through the week and to my next day off.  I swear they don't tell you how miserable life is when you get older as kids.  They make it seem all shiny and fun, when really it's miserable unless you're rich and have the luxury to travel everywhere and try new things daily.  I was meant to be rich I think.  I have way too much ADD not to be and I am already itching to find something new to preoccupy me.  I wonder what it will be this time.  /sigh

So today when I logged into my hotmail account, I was pleased to discover that I had finally received my invitation to test out Trillian's Astra.  While it was nothing as close or as cool as a Dreamwidth invite, I was still pretty happy because I think that this version is so much better then their current version, especially given that the file transfer actually works!  Plus it's all shiny and shiny things tend to occupy me for longer periods of time.  Don't ask me why because I wouldn't be able to tell you.  /smirks  If you however would like an invitation to use Astra, comment with your e-mail and I will send you one.  I only have 2 invites left, so the first two to respond will get it.

In other news I am absolutely amused by the DW bashing found on LJ.  What's even more funny is the fact that they are claiming DW is elitist because they require invite codes.  Have people suddenly forgotten that for a long time LJ had the same set up?  Hell, it was even harder to get an invite from LJ if you didn't know anyone.  You had 2 options if I recall correctly, ask someone for an invite code or buy an account.  At least DW is doing a lottery using OpenID so it's not completely impossible to get an invite if you don't know anyone and don't have the money to buy an account.  It just amuses me how riled up everyone is.  My advice: grow the fuck up.

In terms of communities, I finally managed to get [community profile] shutterbugs up and running and I'm pretty excited about it.  I think it's going to do wonderfully and I think I will learn a lot of the other photographers here on DW.  Speaking of DW, I am really amazed at how many people I've have already met here.  It's shocking but also very exciting.  I think I am going to make a ton of friends here and I am so excited about it.  Well, I am off to bed-- long day tomorrow and I'm exhausted.  /dies

wistfulbreaths: Crushed (Crushed)
I was sadden to come into work today and see that Dreamwidth had been blocked. I was able to access the site yesterday but apparently our IT department felt that was an inappropriate use of time. What's worse is that Livejournal isn't blocked, but I don't want to browse LJ- I want to view Dreamwidth, damnit! I guess that's probably why they blocked it. Thank G-d for Blackberrys. /grin
wistfulbreaths: I am absolutely awesome.  Agree or die. (Absolutely Awesome)
Well today proved to be hardly eventful. I have to tell myself that when I think it is a good idea to call out of work in the morning to go with that thought. I don't in the least bit feel guilty as three others felt the exact way I did, but unlike me executed their plan flawlessly. I fail. And not just in a sad way, but in a pathetic, you didn't have the balls to do what needed to be done way. My only salvation is knowing that if I had called out, I would have felt exactly as I did this morning tomorrow and well that's a bit counter productive, no?

I was a bit angry to discover an invoice from our prior apartment in the mail today after we got home. Apparently they are saying we owe them $402.00 USD. Now I wasn't a fool in thinking that we were going to receive our deposit back, because one, the cats tore the shit out of the carpet there, and two we half assed cleaned it when we moved out-- but really $402!? After reviewing the invoice it appears they charged us twice for carpet damage in the same rooms. No, I am not kidding, that is what the invoices read, though the itemized list they give us has one charge as carpet cleaning and the other as carpet replacement, pet damage. If you replaced the carpet would there be any need to clean it?! Yeah that is exactly what I thought. Oh and the kicker? They charged us to paint the walls. The walls which we did not put a SINGLE item on! Hello, how the fuck can you justify 6hrs of painting the walls when there wasn't a single item on them. Touch ups? Yeah, that makes sense, but painting? Um, not necessary, at all. The hubby was also pissed to find that they charged us $95 for a turn over cleaning which they CANNOT charge if they plan on doing it anyway. So least to say, he's going to have a fun time dealing with the charges, as my solution was just to pay the amount because for me it wasn't worth the headache. /shrugs

Other then that minor incident, the day was pretty mellow. I am however working on a photography community called [community profile] shutterbugs , as I had noticed that DW didn't really have them. I am in the process of establishing rules and such for the community and getting the tags set up, after which I will try and pimp the shit out of it to gain more members. Oh also be on the look out for a David Cook ([community profile] davidcookofficial) community, because I noticed DW is lacking that as well. /pout

Eleven Things I Assume You Know About Me... )
wistfulbreaths: WTF (WTF?)
Okay, so this is odd but I have just discovered that my filters aren't working.  I just logged out of my DW to see what others saw upon looking at my journal and my entry for my contact information which I filtered under "Contact Information" can be seen.

I am not sure why this is happening, but it is definitely something that is worrisome for me.  Any thoughts as to what could be causing this?

/scratches head

EDIT:  It appears to be working now.  Maybe, I just haven't had enough coffee this morning.  /chugs  =^.^=

& FILTERS

Apr. 19th, 2009 04:18 pm
wistfulbreaths: Working (Working)
After a lot of thought, I have decided to make my journal semi-public, though if I sense that there are problems with that, I will immediately revert back to friends only. What this means is I will grant access to my journal to almost everyone, as long as we share common interests or there is something I feel I can learn from you as an individual. In this case, I felt it was only appropriate to describe the types of filters I have and whether they are opt-in or opt-out. If you're unsure as to what those terms may mean, I have described them below.
  • Opt-In: These are filters were you will have to request to be added if you aren't already on these types of filters. I will be very selective of the people that I add to these types of filters as this is generally were a large majority of my more personal posts will be found.
  • Opt-Out: These are filters were every person I have chosen to grant access to will be placed. For the most part these will contain a lot of my generalized posts which includes but is not limited to fandoms. If you do not want to be on a filter associated with this term then you must request to be taken off.
Now that I have described the differences between opting-in and opting-out of filters, below are the current filters I have. These lists will grow continuously as I begin to write on more subjects, people, places, things, etc.

Opt-Out Filters
Below you will find all filters that you may choose to opt-out of. Again, this list will grow so it is up to you as as subscriber to pay attention and to request you be removed if you do not want to read on particular posts.

  • General
  • General Rants
  • Fandoms
  • Electronics
  • Plugs
  • Photography
  • Dreamwidth modifications, etc
Opt-In Filters
Below you will find all the filters that you may choose to opt-in to, if you have not already been added to those filters. Keep in mind that these are the majority of my personal posts, so if I know you in real life, do not really know you as an online contact, or don't trust you, you will not be considered for any of the filters below, depending on the filter.
  • Contact Info
  • Relationships
  • Sexuality
  • Marriage
  • Insecurities
  • IRL Rants
  • Drunken Escapades
  • Work
If you have any questions, regarding my filters or my filtering policy, please do not hesitate to ask.  I will do my best to explain my filter policy as to not personally offend anyone.
wistfulbreaths: What would you do if you know you could not fail? (Could Not Fail)
Dreamwidth has actually managed to put me in a dilemma as to how I want to best go about presenting my journal. Usually, I place all entries under friends only, however given the option to subscribe and grant access to particular people while also filtering entries that I may only want certain individuals to read, I am at a stand still.

Do I keep my general relatively public with the exceptionally posts that can only be viewed by people within that access list or do I continue  on with the friends only journal, where all my posts, except select posts are friends only?

The advantages to having a journal that is pretty much open to the public with the use of access filters is that the opportunity to network would be much easier. If I have a friends only journal, that option while still plausible would be harder to initiate. So thoughts, to friends only or not to friends only? And specifically why the one and not the other?

In any event, those who were on my friends list on my Livejournal may not necessarily be granted access to my journal here. I ask that you not be offended by this, it just means that I do not know you as well as I like and until I can establish some type of relationship to identify you with, you will be subject to posts which are public. While I am not entirely sure how I want to set up the use of my Dreamwidth account, what I do know is that I want to comfortable with the people on my access list and not feel obligated to grant them access if I know nothing about them.

Expect a few points detailing the filters I will have on my journal as well as my policy on defriending and the like. I am really enjoying Dreamwidth and made the decision today that I will be purchasing a seed account. The money spent will go to a good cause and I know that this place will go fair. It's time that I do my share and help with that process.

On another note I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get hierarchical tags to work, so if anyone would be so kind to lend their hand in pointing a very confused Angel in the right direction, it would be very much appreciated! ^.^
wistfulbreaths: Headdesk (Headdesk)
It would appear that Dreamwidth has officially hooked its claws into me-- as I have spent nearly all day scouring the countless DW communities and friending people who I find intriguing or have some commonalities with me.  I can't say I should be surprised.  I love the entire concept of DW and I really do have to give many thanks to [personal profile] bella for graciously giving me an invite.  I seriously cannot wait until April 30, as I already know of several individuals who have decided to join here.

The one thing that I would really like to see DW add is smilies.  They are my achilles heel and I would not hesitate to purchase a seed account if I know that eventually something like that would go into development.  I am not sure how likely that will be because I am sure not everyone is as smiley obsessed as I am, but it is still a nice thought.

As I was busy scouring DW for new friends and communities, I decided to go on to TicketMaster to see if David Cook had finally announced his tour dates.  I check occasionally and usually am disappointed to find that he is doing some concerts here and there in areas not remotely close to where I am located.  Imagine my surprise to discover that he will be performing at the Del Mar Fairgrounds in California in June.  I seriously almost peed myself.  Then my happiness sunk to depression when I realized what day he is performing (Thursday) and my lack of vacation time.  While I really, really want to go, I also know that I have taken off a lot of days since I first started working at the University and I really don't want to press my luck.  My manager is general very laid back and probably wouldn't have any problems with me taking off-- but at the same time I do not want to push my luck.  So I guess it looks as if I will just have to wait until he tours, whenever in the hell that's going to be. /cry

I am considering starting a message board plug community, but considering the lack of message boards in existence, I have to wonder if it will be a waste.  Maybe instead I will create a quote/photography challenge community, though I am hesitant because without help I don't really have the time for it.  There I go again with the hobbies I want to take up, even with the knowledge that I still have yet to unpack what is left of the boxes since we moved in at the end of March, and also decide on the color schemes for the smaller bedrooms and bathrooms, and then implement them by painting the rooms.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be a spy.  It might help my restlessness if I was always constantly on different assignments, as different personas-- but then again that may bore me to.

/sigh
wistfulbreaths: Don't compromise yourself, you are all you've got. (All You've Got)
It is always so strange to have to come up with something significant to say in an introduction that should not be too wordy, yet should have just enough to draw readers in.

Even now, I have yet to find words that will make me appear at the very least eloquent, despite the fact that I am far from it. In any regard, I suppose the best place to start is with a name. Mine is Angelina, though I often go by Angel. I am a 23 year old Filipino/Black female that currently resides in Arizona with my husband of nearly 2 years and our 5 cats and 1 dog.

I am a Navy brat and was born in the Philippines but spent the majority of my life in California. When my dad retired from the military we moved to San Diego, which is where I met my husband. My husband and I moved out to Arizona almost 2 years ago when a job opportunity presented itself and thus we have been here ever since.

I am a true Aquarian, as i am very eccentric in my ways and in my living style. I enjoy my freedom and will rebel if I feel threatened by a restriction. I have the tendency to pick up many hobbies (usually all at once) as I love learning new things and I find that once I have learned something or feel I have learned all there is possible to learn about a subject, I get bored and tend to move on. My resume is a stunning reflection of this habit (bad, I know) yet I have not been able to find a job that could keep me for very long.

I am a very intelligent individual and often pick up and learn things faster then most. While I enjoy this trait about myself, as it does come in handy, it is also a disadvantage especially where work is concerned, as if I am not continually challenged, I often get bored so I will either get into trouble (not intentionally) or I will move on to another job that I want to try and master. I doubt that this is something I will ever be able to overcome, however I do believe if I find a job that continually challenges me and pushes me, I won't run into the problems I spoke of above.

It is because of this that I have decided that my ultimate ambition is to work for a non-profit organization, particularly with orphans. While I am much too empathetic to be a social worker, I believe that I will still find emotional satisfaction in a management  position for non-profit organizations dealing with orphans. It is because of this realization that I am currently pursuing a Bachelor's of Science in Human Services Management. Ultimately, I would love to adopt one child, preferably a pre-teen as it has always been my ambition to provide a home and a place to belong for a child who may not have one.

As I continue a new journal which will document my struggles, triumphants, and success, the two things I hope to learn about myself is that I am a deserving individual regardless of past mistakes. I must learn to love myself so that others in turn can truly and fully love me-- because while they may love me now, they love what I want them to love and not the whole of me.  I hope that eventually as time goes on, my walls will start to disappear and I will stop feeling a need to protect people from what I feel will cause them to run in the opposite direction. I have to trust that regardless of what they may learn they'll still love me for me.
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