Love Is A Losing Game

[wistfulbreaths]

"How are you?"

It's what people ask me now-- all the time. And I'm not sure how to answer It's gotten to the point where I hate those 3 words, I mean I disliked them before, but now, now I hate them.

How the hell am I supposed to answer that question? Does no one stop to think how those 3 simple words causes me to try to stop myself from vomitting, from remembering, from accepting that I had to do the one thing I told myself I would never do even though I know everyone would understand?

Does no one stop and think just how alone I feel?

Or just how alone I am?

Support groups help to some extent, but I still have to face this on my own, and no one understands that-- or wants to.

Everyone wants me to move on, but no one understands that you don't just move on from this, and so I deal with it alone, and try not to breakdown when someone asks, "How are you?"

I'm broken. Lost. Hollow. Desperate.

But mostly?

I'm numb.

I don't know how to feel anymore, and what's worse--I don't think I want to.