These choices I've been making, they make me hate myself.

It is always so strange to have to come up with something significant to say in an introduction that should not be too wordy, yet should have just enough to draw readers in.

Even now, I have yet to find words that will make me appear at the very least eloquent, despite the fact that I am far from it. In any regard, I suppose the best place to start is with a name. Mine is Angelina, though I often go by Angel. I am a 23 year old Filipino/Black female that currently resides in Arizona with my husband of nearly 2 years and our 5 cats and 1 dog.

I am a Navy brat and was born in the Philippines but spent the majority of my life in California. When my dad retired from the military we moved to San Diego, which is where I met my husband. My husband and I moved out to Arizona almost 2 years ago when a job opportunity presented itself and thus we have been here ever since.

I am a true Aquarian, as i am very eccentric in my ways and in my living style. I enjoy my freedom and will rebel if I feel threatened by a restriction. I have the tendency to pick up many hobbies (usually all at once) as I love learning new things and I find that once I have learned something or feel I have learned all there is possible to learn about a subject, I get bored and tend to move on. My resume is a stunning reflection of this habit (bad, I know) yet I have not been able to find a job that could keep me for very long.

I am a very intelligent individual and often pick up and learn things faster then most. While I enjoy this trait about myself, as it does come in handy, it is also a disadvantage especially where work is concerned, as if I am not continually challenged, I often get bored so I will either get into trouble (not intentionally) or I will move on to another job that I want to try and master. I doubt that this is something I will ever be able to overcome, however I do believe if I find a job that continually challenges me and pushes me, I won't run into the problems I spoke of above.

It is because of this that I have decided that my ultimate ambition is to work for a non-profit organization, particularly with orphans. While I am much too empathetic to be a social worker, I believe that I will still find emotional satisfaction in a management  position for non-profit organizations dealing with orphans. It is because of this realization that I am currently pursuing a Bachelor's of Science in Human Services Management. Ultimately, I would love to adopt one child, preferably a pre-teen as it has always been my ambition to provide a home and a place to belong for a child who may not have one.

As I continue a new journal which will document my struggles, triumphants, and success, the two things I hope to learn about myself is that I am a deserving individual regardless of past mistakes. I must learn to love myself so that others in turn can truly and fully love me-- because while they may love me now, they love what I want them to love and not the whole of me.  I hope that eventually as time goes on, my walls will start to disappear and I will stop feeling a need to protect people from what I feel will cause them to run in the opposite direction. I have to trust that regardless of what they may learn they'll still love me for me.

My heart is darker than these oceans. My heart is frozen underneath.

It would appear that Dreamwidth has officially hooked its claws into me-- as I have spent nearly all day scouring the countless DW communities and friending people who I find intriguing or have some commonalities with me.  I can't say I should be surprised.  I love the entire concept of DW and I really do have to give many thanks to bella for graciously giving me an invite.  I seriously cannot wait until April 30, as I already know of several individuals who have decided to join here.

The one thing that I would really like to see DW add is smilies.  They are my achilles heel and I would not hesitate to purchase a seed account if I know that eventually something like that would go into development.  I am not sure how likely that will be because I am sure not everyone is as smiley obsessed as I am, but it is still a nice thought.

As I was busy scouring DW for new friends and communities, I decided to go on to TicketMaster to see if David Cook had finally announced his tour dates.  I check occasionally and usually am disappointed to find that he is doing some concerts here and there in areas not remotely close to where I am located.  Imagine my surprise to discover that he will be performing at the Del Mar Fairgrounds in California in June.  I seriously almost peed myself.  Then my happiness sunk to depression when I realized what day he is performing (Thursday) and my lack of vacation time.  While I really, really want to go, I also know that I have taken off a lot of days since I first started working at the University and I really don't want to press my luck.  My manager is general very laid back and probably wouldn't have any problems with me taking off-- but at the same time I do not want to push my luck.  So I guess it looks as if I will just have to wait until he tours, whenever in the hell that's going to be. /cry

I am considering starting a message board plug community, but considering the lack of message boards in existence, I have to wonder if it will be a waste.  Maybe instead I will create a quote/photography challenge community, though I am hesitant because without help I don't really have the time for it.  There I go again with the hobbies I want to take up, even with the knowledge that I still have yet to unpack what is left of the boxes since we moved in at the end of March, and also decide on the color schemes for the smaller bedrooms and bathrooms, and then implement them by painting the rooms.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be a spy.  It might help my restlessness if I was always constantly on different assignments, as different personas-- but then again that may bore me to.

/sigh